Adoption Story - Reunion after 57 years. 2/2

Reflections on 28 Feb 2018 a week after the trip.

So how did the trip go ?

Amazingly well. It was a bit of a whirlwind tour meeting birth mum (Mauri), aunt and niece along with seven out of the eight brothers and sisters.  

How did the Journey go ?

Landing first in Las Vegas we were met with big hugs from Mauri and sister Krystal. Within a day we had also met sister Norah and Sarah P and Aunt Sarah. First night we did the Las Vegas thing, eating at a large Casino resort buffet. Sister Norah then took Alice and I out to the Valley of Fire state park to see the stunning scenery.  We also visited the Las Vegas mob Museum but did not find any more of our family there. Family dinner at Sarah Ps house topped off the day.

A short flight took us to a windy and cold San Francisco, where just north of the city we met with brother Jeremy and Paul at their tie-dye clothing businesses work place. Jamminon.com   We tried our hands at making our own tie-dye which seemed to come out great and certainly takes more skill and technique than I imagined. Dinner that evening at the brothers house helped explore their Californian life style.

Next day a short road trip took us to Sacramento to meet with oldest sister Kim, husband Mike and nephew Derek. They had they had kindly put us up in a local hotel overnight and we all went out to a hearty dinner at the Roadhouse. {I knew we would get on as soon as I saw the DVD of Serenity & Firefly on the shelf.}  We did get on really well, Alice having a lot in common with Kim who runs a mineral powder make up business.

The next day saw us whizzing to the airport just in time for a flight to the furthest stop on the tour, Tucson.  Unfortunately darling daughter managed to pick up a cold and it was unusually raining in Tucson. At this point we had to change the tour motto from “The British are coming.” to “The British weather is coming”.  Brother Josh and Sally were very hospitable and looked after us over a couple of nights. Josh and I got out for mountain bike ride and after dinner drinks in town with friends to watch the Arizona local derby basketball match at a downtown bar.  A visit to a large aircraft museum on the way back to the airport filled in the last morning.  Josh and I have the most in common career wise as he runs a large software technology business Pagely.com  

The short flight from Tucson took us back to Las Vegas. The next day was “The Dam Dog day” where we went to see sister Norah run her agility dog Cider followed by a trip to Hover dam with Krystal.  Coincidently Daughter Alice has been doing dog agility with her poodle Mr. Biggles for the last couple of years.  A visit to the Las Vegas strip with Krystal gave us the inside stories behind the sparkles. The evening topped off seeing the fabulous Cirque du Soleil Beatles show "Love" at Majestic casino.

There was a difficult decision on the penultimate day - go shopping with Alice and the sisters or drive out to the nearby Blue Diamond town and hire a mountain bike and ride off into the desert.  That decision took less than a nano-second.  Instead of huffing and puffing like a stranded whale outside the shops waiting for the girls to appear, I huffed and puffed up the desert hills.  After a quick dinner later that evening we all went to see “Black Panther” at one of the larger Las Vegas cinemas. 

The final day was packing and getting to the airport for the return journey. The family was so welcoming and generous that, despite offloading loads of Early Grey tea, Marmite and Lint chocolate Bunnies, we needed an extra suitcase on the return trip that brought us back to Newquay on a cold February morning. 

Reflections

That Google search was one from where there was no return and our family landscape has really changed for the better.  { This certainly is the family extension jackpot. }  I have some wicked new tie-dye clothes and a couple of business ideas to develop. Meeting Birth Mum Mauri and all those brother and sisters & aunt was a great adventure that because of their friendliness completely exceeded all we could hope for.  They have promised return visits but hopefully not all arriving at once.

From a technology point of view - if folks don't feel comfortable to post detailed blogs and pages magic search results like this won't happen. 

Listen to more on BBC Radio 4 - Saturday Live 10 March 2018


Adoption Story Part 1 - Discovery
Adoption Story Part 2 - Reunion
Adoption Story Part 3 - Lessons

Adoption Story - Reunion after 57 years. 1/3

With Jayne, the sister, that I grew up with.

In early February 2018, my daughter, and I traveled to the USA to meet our recently discovered, extended family. This is the story.

57 years ago I was adopted by my mum and dad, Norman and Lily “Pat". Adoption was never a big thing as I’ve always known my sister and I were adopted. There had been no surprises in that area. At adoption time Mum asked "When would be a good time to tell the kids that they are adopted ? ” The Nurse in charge of adoptions said “Take them home, put them on your knee, tell them they were adopted and how special that makes them.”  I was chosen by mum and dad and brought up by them as their very own child.  { Retelling helps mum and dad to normalise the story. }

I have since learned that my birth mother only knew two things about my adoption, besides it being the very last thing in the world that she wanted.  The parents adopting her son had adopted a little girl a couple of years before me, and they were being allowed to adopt another child. To her that meant they were doing a good job and likely to give her son a good home where she could not.  When she waited in the Adoption office for the Sister in charge to take her son to his new parents, there was a file laying open on the desk.  The name on the file was my surname.  She filed it away as a piece of disconnected information. Over the years she held the hope in her heart that, eventually, her son would look for her...and, just in case he did, she had scattered a few electronic breadcrumbs for him to find...and kept her own birth name. As she had lived in Canada and the USA since I was born, she says reunion was rather a forlorn hope...

I had never been particularly curious about my genetic background but these days, in medical terms, genetic heritage is very important. A few years ago my big sister Jayne, took several months through official channels to discover her birth mum.  With further prompting from daughter Alice and darling wife Jenny, with a fresh mug of coffee, I embarked on my family research. The starting paperwork was the court adoption certificate that showed my original name, place and date of birth, along with my post adoption name. I put my original name, date and place of birth into Google, hit 'return' and immediately found what appeared be my birth family.  Using the official route of £10 via the UK passport office to obtain my pre-adoption birth certificate confirmed the research, and provided my birth mother's name.   { Between Tuesday 10:00 and 10:10, coffee still warm, my whole familly landscape changed. }

The Google search had turned up my birth mum's website, with a page she had set up prior to going to  work in Saudi Arabia for 6 months in Spring 2011, thinking it was easier to point people to the page, rather than to try to explain her rather large, extended family.  The page listed my birth mum's other children and my aunts and my nieces and nephews. The siblings all had their numbers with their names... "2", "3", etc.  This was going to be a big family extension.

The blog was so touching, included with the list of her children was an entry describing how her first born had been adopted away at 3 months. Right there was the matching birth name, place and date. And I was listed as “1”.  Making contact with long lost relatives can be a delicate occasion, but the blog entries reassured me that there was no secrecy around the adopted child { in that family}. 

Reaching out via email eventually led to "friending" my birth mum on Facebook and then to Messenger contact with her and the rest of her side of the family.  Over the next few weeks, lots of email and pictures were exchanged. Turns out I have a lot of family in the USA southwest: 3 sisters in Las Vegas, Nevada, and one in Sacramento, CA, and 3 brothers in San Francisco, CA and one in Tucson, Arizona as well as two aunts and 10 nieces and nephews...and a whole lot of new Facebook friends.

February 2018 visit to the USA will be the family reunions 57 years in the making. Getting to meet my new, extended family is going to be a big, exciting journey. Facebook may show someone's activities, but only meeting in real life can allow you to get to know them 'up close and personal’. 

Journalists will always ask “.. and how does that make you feel ?”  For Mauri (my birth mum), she tells me this is a joyous, life-changing event that resolves a long-standing area of loss and uncertainty. For me, it’s a new family thing to which I am adjusting.  Soon Alice and I will visit everyone.  It’s going to be emotional; it’s going to be fun; and it’s not going to be like any other journey, ever ! 


Adoption Story Part 1 - Discovery
Adoption Story Part 2 - Reunion
Adoption Story Part 3 - Lessons