Where can I read more ? Adoptions prior to 1975 had different rules than after 1975. Major reforms in this area of law occurred in December 2005. See Adoption information search information here. Excellent page with lots of information from http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/Channels/
Where is the official uk contact register ? The UK passport office hold the adoption contact register for parents, sibling and adoptees who which to contact or not contact birth relatives. The PO runs a passive contact register and does not do active searches. Some online sites offer this service as well but I have not explored or offer advice on them. See also the UK General Register office - for official birth/marriage/death records.
Where can I get advice ? Many UK local councils have adoption services with an adult section. These are probably under-funded and very busy but they do have a stature duty to provide contact counselling for pre 1975 adoptees.
Should I contact my birth relatives ? No one can make that decision except you. This is one of life's difficult one-way choices. When you feel emotionally stable and mature enough to cope with the many possible outcomes (good and bad), make the decision like a grown up. Deciding not to search is a reasonable choice for many folks.
How do I contact my newly discovered blood relatives ? Use care and diplomacy and don't assume that you know the whole situation or what they may think or know about the adoption situation. If possible contact birth parents before siblings. Think of all the possible reactions you might get of you sent a txt "Hi am your long lost brother." and don't do it that way. Starting out with a "Can we talk about some mutual family history that has been discovered around the date xxxxxxxx. ? " is a better way. This is delicate, you don't have to do it yourself, ask a trained family councillor to assist.
What relationship can I expect with my birth relatives ? Ask first "How well do you get along with current friends and family ?" Building relationships is about mutual support and investment of time and effort. A genetic relationship does not change that. Over time, with long periods of no contact, perceptions and memories of events and motivations for those events can change.
When shall I tell my child they are adopted or have difference birth parents than us ?
From my story at adoption time my Mum asked "When would be a good time to tell the kids that they are adopted ? ” The Nurse in charge of adoptions said “Take them home, put them on your knee, tell them they were adopted and how special that makes them.” This works both ways by normalising the story and removing the need for a big reveal at what can be a difficult time. Retelling the story helps child and Mums & Dads to normalise the story.
Warning : This area is fraught with emotional potholes and historical welfare issues:
Contrast this :
The Salvation Army (Canada) says it is conducting an internal review into its historic maternity homes, just as a retired Calgary judge — who was once a high-ranking child welfare worker in the city — has come forward and corroborated some of the claims mothers have recently made about coercive adoption practices directed at unmarried mothers decades ago. from National Post of Canada
with this kind offer
The Family Tracing Service is here to support people who are looking for family members. It is never too late to find a loved one, so get in contact with us and we can help you with your search. From Salvation Army UK website
attitudes and behaviours of both people and organisation change over time.
Adoption Story Part 1 - Discovery
Adoption Story Part 2 - Reunion
Adoption Story Part 3 - Lessons
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